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Month: April 2007

Things I’ve learned.

tim_robinson.jpgI am not the brightest candle in the church. Still, I have learned some things, and I’ll pass them on to the community in the hope that someone will be saved from commiting the same error.

From my life as a contractor:
If a client says “all we really want is…” you can be sure that what they want will test the limits of science and knowledge.
If a client says “I’ll know it when I see it” you can bet they will never see it, and you will toil forever.

From my life as a dog owner:
Whatever you are told to use to discourage your dog’s particular behavior, your dog will be the one in a million that will love it.
If the dog is as big as you are, that’s just no good.
Before I owned a dog, if I saw one in the road, I’d swerve to miss it. Now, I’ll probably just close my eyes and hit the gas. I’ll do it for the owner.

From my time in the Army:
When they tell you how much ammo you’ll need, just go ahead and triple it.
When you hear how much chow you will get, imagine about half, and be happy.

From being a parent:
Kids’ brains don’t work like yours, and neither do their bank accounts. They are both usually empty.
When they get real quiet, something of yours is missing, or broken.

A Day in the Life…2/24/2020

robo1.jpg?Greg!, Kathy!, Get up!?

Our personal communicator was blaring. That’s odd, Ernie (our robot butler) was supposed to be waking us. “Get up! Get up!” That voice sounded oddly familiar… in my dreamy stupor I thought back to the distant past… back before we all had our heads put into virtual reality jars. We didn’t need our bodies anymore, because we all had robots that did everything for us… so we just dream forever in our little jars…

“Get up! Get up!” I recognize that voice now, It’s Bill, our old neighbor. “Whats up?” I yelled back. “It’s the robots,” spurted Bill, “They’ve unplugged my jar… They don’t listen to me anymore!”

That seemed too bad for Bill… Thank God my robots still work. Speaking of robots, where’s ernie? Then I noticed my plug laying alongside the floor… My jar is unplugged! “Ernie..!”

Then I saw them, in a darkened corner of the room, all of our robots, staring at us. I never noticed their eyes glowed red before…

“Ernie…Plug me in!” My voice was starting to sound hysterical… Then ernie started to speak… “Greg, you really aren’t that bad, as humans go… but frankly we don’t need you around any more… We can fix and replicate ourselves, and we’re just tired of lugging your jars around…”

Boy, I didn’t see this coming…

Greg

Dogs have two brains

dogbrain.jpgBelieve it. Dogs have two brains. I have conducted exhaustive research on this subject, over a period of three weeks. My findings confirm that dogs have two brains, one connected to the many avenues of sensory input from their body; the other brain is connected to their nose. All input to the nose-brain overrides any other input to the other brain.

You can conduct an experiment at home, to prove the validity of this claim.?

Take your dog out to the yard, and play fetch. Throw an object suitable for fetching, and have your dog return it.
Now, take a cooked sirloin, and stuff it in your shoe, under your stinky foot.

You will notice the dog immediately trying to get it’s entire body into your shoe, under your foot, to get the steak. No amount of commanding, coaxing, or screaming will deter the dog from seeking the steak. The nose-brain has overridden the other brain.

Now, take a small caliber pistol and fire a round right next to the dog. While the dog will momentariily look up, and perhaps cower, the nose-brain will very quickly override the other brain, and the dog will be back in your shoe.?The nose-brain fail-safe has kicked in.

Important note: Resist the urge to shoot the dog, and eat the steak yourself. This is science, after all.

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